Untitled 1
Sit with the lonely
And the heat spreads it out
I can sit in other summers
Til the night sets in
And my hot room is empty
Eleven pm, June Ninth
I’m trying to capture the scent
Mock orange bush losing
White petals
The few drops of rain
On hot ground
When I left
The zipper on my dress
Scratching fresh burnt skin
I’m trying to capture the feeling
I am trying to remember if this was the day
I was supposed to lose you
To have freed my skin
From ever knowing your hands
Your touch
All I remember
Is how good this feels
Now
I am every summer
1.
I am “Pulaski at night” on the charter bus
Waking up as we reenter the 12th Arrondissement
I am “Pyramids” in Pyramides
Taking tinder profile pictures
In bright red metro seats
I am grown out pixie cut and turtleneck
I am 19
I am lying
I am making out in Cal Anderson Park
I am noticing your too much tongue
I am hurting your feelings
When I tell you
I am dreaming
I am shocked,
always
When you are in love with me
2.
I am on the dock
I am actually 19 this time
I am wishing you would pull my romper up
I am the horniest I’ve ever been
I am bliss in hot air hanging on
With the last strip of orange light
To the mountains
The oppressive dark
I am turning you on
I am forgetting what that’s like
I am getting what you wanted me to have
Someone who wants to be my boyfriend
You say it was never only about sex
I am sorry to say
I still dont believe you
3.
I am reading a book with a pink cover
I am sinking into well watered grass
I am accepting Althea’s kisses with joy
The way her ears perk when she hears
My name
I am making sure she doesn’t lick my mouth
So I can kiss yours later
I am walking back inside to see you
Still, on the computer
I am getting you to make dinner with me
We are walking to the store
We are chopping side by side
We are watching a show on the big screen
We are making out in the bathroom
While all of our friends get drunk
In the hot tub
My skin is getting darker
I am sleeping next to you
On the bare purple mattress
I am filming you say something funny
I am so far beyond horny
I am so far in love
I want to hear your idea for the open mic
I want to play the game
I want to lose
We May Have Passed on the Street
All I thought was
“Hot dad”
But it wasn’t until I saw
The woman behind you
And did the math
How old is he now?
Do you still believe you shouldn’t
Date anyone until
He himself is dating?
I keep thinking I can be
Wild
I can kiss quietly someone
I have no intention of
Being in love with
But I have always thought
Of marriage
And when I don’t
The lips begin to feel
like empty warmth
In the dark
And I am missing someone else
I used to think
You were the last person
Someone sees
Before they find their soulmate
I found myself dragging down
Tugging on the top of the screen
Desperate
Hoping for his name
To exist outside of my mind
I turned off “do not disturb”
I’d like to be disturbed by him
And when he is not disturbing
I’d like to be okay
Untitled 2
Morning air breathing
Warm honeysuckle kisses
I accept all over my
New body
Even under lush branches
Darkness
Is hot
That cigarette you’re smoking
The way it clings heavy
To the sidewalk
Takes me across the ocean
Some cafe
Some church steps
Last night I curled
My knees beneath myself chest
As I scribbled wild
New pages
I felt something creep inside me
I asked it to come back
I asked it to stay
Magnolia, July
I understand why they call it this now
This neighborhood
The blossoms open
Huge and sugary rich
I can tell from inside
The cooly lit bus
Careening back towards the skyline
The leaves look shiny
Wax or rubber or some
Other thing I can’t think of
I am disappointed I didn’t reach
Close enough to smell
Before I let the shaking monster
Carry me home
I let myself be grateful, still
For the quiet
For the scent of blackberries
On their way towards fruit
For the brightness of the sweet peas
The hoards of women in long dresses
Posing with men
Uncomfortable in tall grasses
Willing to submit
For a moment to the pink,
The swelling of her belly
Don’t let the train slip your mind
There’s calm in the still tracks
Glistening with their last taste
Of warm orange light
Before they are only dark